the Humbling Surrender


Surrender and Vulnerability are often used interchangeably but they are not the same. To be vulnerable is to be seen. To surrender is to allow.

I can easily be seen for all the mess and contradiction that is me as long as I feel like I control the narrative. To surrender would be to release control.

Pride is born from attachments and associations. These are earthly matters and, often, they distract us from our purpose. We use it as a tool of separation. When an experience conflicts with our egos/sense-of-self/pride, we reject it.

An excellent example of the way this plays out is the Madonna/Whore complex. The Madonna represents the complementary woman sanctioned by society and the Whore is a projection of desire. The Lovers card originally represented this choice/tension between the comforting parental/societal approval verses individual desire. The things we want out of life is often at conflict with what we believe we should do. Today, this idea has refined itself to being in communion with the divine flow verses receiving the benefits of such labor. We value one and demonize the other.

Just like working yourself beyond the limits is deemed a noble virtue, a reforming restrictive life partner is preferred. Equally, a period of rest and rejuvenation is viewed as irresponsible, lazy and a partner who shares your desires/indulgences is viewed as a threat.

Control good; Chaos bad.

To humbly surrender is to invite the chaos of your desires’ influence. It is to be in flow with your interior self–especially, your emotions. It is also equivalent to the Tower. “Love at First Sight” isn’t always an ego projection. Sometimes, it is a disillusionment.

Perhaps, the person who you truly desire defies what you always understood to be true about your sexuality or social identity or gender role. We, as a modern society, like to believe we have evolved past being influenced by such limitations. We value devotional love but it often requires a strength and vulnerability that is beyond comfort. Avoiding discomfort is a corrupting motivator that plagues humanity.

Reformation is preferred over complete disillusionment. By this I mean, it is fine to acknowledge our vices–“The first step is admitting you have problem”–but it is not okay to indulge in parts of ourselves that generate chaos. The lovers and partners we choose are suppose to support stability. Chaos should always be avoided because the disillusionment of control makes everyone uncomfortable.

I want to be clear, enabling destructive behavior is different than chaotic energy. What is the difference? Most obviously, it is the results. Enabling destructive behavior will ultimately lead to destruction–bankruptcy, ill-health, death, insignificance. Chaos in its simplest form is uncertainty. Engaging in your first homosexual relationship will create a feeling of uncertainty, but it is not inherently destructive. Conversely, I believe choosing a partner exclusively because they can provide the stability of material goods/experiences (money, power, drugs) is a form of self-neglect. The relationship will be transactional and, therefore, unfulfilling. Chaos is avoided for the illusion of safety.

Chaos in relationships are problematic because they trigger fear and open the door for abuse. This is why the Reformer ideal is preferred because it is assumed control will reign. What if two manipulative narcissists date, or obsessive depressives, or angry workaholics? Shouldn’t the narcissist learn empathy and the addict restraint and the busy-bee rest?  Wouldn’t their mirrored union inherently enable self-sabtogue and destruction? This bias is based on the purity spectrum. The abstinent reformer purifies the corrupt abuser. This denies the shadow inherent in all people. The sadist needs the masochist; the masochist needs the sadist. Both are equal in blame. So while the potential for destruction is higher in a union based on mutual shadow so is the potential for healing. This relationship will either validate the false ego into enabling the most abusive and fearful parts of themselves or it will provide the opportunity for the individuals to truly see themselves. It is a surrender into the most unconscious parts of the self–free from external confrontation. This is the Twin Flame. Isn’t it romantic?

Let go of controlling your environment. Surrender to the Chaos of Nature and the Providence of God. Pulling out the chaos within and healing the separation is the key to finding balance and peace within which is what people truly desire when they seek control. Integrating the Self removes the fear that holds us back from remaining in a meditative state aka the humbling surrender.

And you say you’ve been humbled in love
Cut down in your love
Forced to kneel in the mud next to me
But why so bitterly turn from the one
Who kneels there as deeply as thee


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